Do I exist?

Dramaturgical Content.

Consciousness, at its simplest, is sentience
or awareness of internal and external existence.

Concept Development.

My goal was to create a curious, ambiguous, and contemporary circus, aerial Straps act. I was inspired by our first-year show directed by Katie Cawthorne, where we explored ideas of what it feels like to be born and how a newly formed body reacts to the experience of life.

Previously, in skill assessments and performance class, I have presented aerial acts where I was more of a primate creature slowly evolving into a human as they drank coffee and wore more clothing. Although I had fun playing with this style, I found it too comedic, disjointed, and clunky going to and fro the Straps for various wraps and changing my garments. See these early development stages in the video below.
After a thoughtful reflection about what I want to convey as an artist, I decided to strip the performance back and make it more raw, vulnerable, and honest. Exploring the idea of consciousness, self-awareness, and my current skill set on the Straps. The Concept Development process began taking a solid form and structure after using performative tools in-class time like; Improvisation, E5 & Intention, Memorability, and Proxemics.

Upon researching online, and drawing further inspiration from distorted, blurred, and altered images of the human body (see the images below, found via my Pinterest board), I decided to recreate these themes from various materials of clothing and plastic. I especially like how this idea of birth and finding consciousness allowed me to freely explore a quite abstract concept.
This process of Concept Development ultimately led me to the realisation of my full artist statement:

An empty human vessel is searching for consciousness and existence; my piece has developed into an exploration of what it means to exist. Consciousness is an awareness of our internal and external existence. I will be tethered to the Straps for the duration of this performance and starting within a plastic sheet, symbolising a sort of incubator or birthing sac for the human vessel.

The intro represents an internal awareness that slowly shifts to external awareness. As time passes, more consciousness is acquired and consumed by the vessel giving it a greater sense of freedom and existence. This results in breaking free from the plastic incubator and finding a repertoire of aerial skills on the Straps.

Movements will sway back and forth like a pendulum and also in a circular motion representing growth, development, and the interconnectedness of our entire collective consciousness. The tethered apparatus, plastic consuming sheet, and connected strings also further push this idea of our collective connection. This piece will end as it started but with a sense of resolve and an understanding of existence.
Research Discoveries.
I purchased a drop sheet of plastic from the local two-dollar store and experimented with it (see my first test, animated above). I discovered that although it flowed beautifully and contoured to my body shapes perfectly, it also unfortunately stretched, ripped, and was destroyed too easily. See the performance where I fully realised this below featuring the song Gossip by Lyra Pramuk.
This led to me sourcing a new plastic that was far stronger than the drop sheet. I purchased five meters of 'Hospital Grade Plastic' from Bunnings and linked it all together at the top of my rigging point with builders' string. I much preferred how blurred and ambiguous it made my form, although I lost the 'flowy' quality of the cheaper drop sheet plastic.

I learnt that after my first performance the supporting string was too short, so I made a longer version the second time I performed with a green string. This allowed me to move more at the beginning without instantly tearing down the plastic.

See my visual research discoveries and experimentation below.

Story.
I am an empty vessel. Crouching on the ground. Do I exist? What am I? Why am I tethered and how do I escape this incubator? Slowly, the vessel comes to the realisation that they can touch, feel and hear. There is a collective consciousness all around them. Senses awaken.  Movements develop. Internal and external awareness is found and the vessel becomes human and breaks through the plastic constraints. Weight becomes weightlessness as the vessel discovers an existence, the aerial apparatus, and a consciousness. A series of aerial skills are explored pushing proof of their existence. Finishing how they began, but now with a sense of resolve, the vessel is no longer empty but conscious.
Content, Form Improvisation & E5 Events.
Writing and movement. As I wrote about my piece, I was always pulled back to more internal questions; Is self-awareness consuming and full of physical and mental obstacles? Does self-awareness mean existence? Actuality: the state of existing in reality. Do we need to constantly consume in order to exist and grow? How does one represent an empty vessel?

I was heavily inspired by our Laban movements which we learnt about and explored with Chimene Steele-Prior. I utilised these methods of movement within my improvs where I would focus on Press, Glide, and Wring to push the ideas of birth, growth, and consciousness. Looking back over my video footage, I then made reflections and decisions on the main movements I would present within the work. I really benefited from lots of movement improvisations as they allowed me to move with a sense of freedom and ease.
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Discovery.
The Straps keep me tethered the whole time as I explore Laban, representing an interconnectedness, struggle, fight, and freedom. I discovered spinning, swinging, finding as much distance possible, and curling up and intertwining into the apparatus.

Through these findings, I pushed the performance into five main E5 events. This technique greatly assisted me with the structure of the act, what I'm conveying and how to solve intention and lighting. See my visual explanation below.

E1 SET UP - Do I exist? I am writhing and pushing within the plastic, slowly awakening. Exploring internal self. E2 INSTIGATION - Do you see me exist? I realise I exist, movements increase, break through the plastic. E3 CRISIS - Consume to exist. I rapidly need to start moving to consume more consciousness, exist and execute skills. E4 CLIMAX - Accept existence. The skills become even bigger and more vigorous to accept existence and survival. E5 RESOLUTION - Find resolve. I know I exist, I am conscious, I am content.
Flickers & Other Materials.
Key images which emerged from my Improvisations relate to all the plastic images depicted so far throughout this analysis. See a collage of more of my plastic improvisations and experimentation below. The main text from this piece I keep coming back to is:

Does consciousness equal one's existence?

This question remained in my mind during the entire devising process and I'm still not sure if I answered it for myself.
Problem & Pressing Issue.
Problem. Is self-awareness consuming and full of physical and mental obstacles?

Pressing issue. Do we need to constantly consume in order to exist and grow?

These questions above fuelled my work and influenced the structure of the act, physicality, Laban movements, and the reasoning behind each stage of the E5.
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